ASK ANNIE: Help! How Do I Deal with a Hothead?

'I have someone reporting to me who is always angry. Apart from this one issue, he's a very productive employee, but how can I cope with his constant hostility?'

By Anne Fisher Anne Fisher

Dear Annie: I hope you have some suggestions for me, because I am at my wit's end. I have someone reporting to me who is always angry. He's not quite as bad as he used to be—he doesn't throw things or slam doors anymore—but he keeps zinging me with aggressive language. When I ask him to do something, he gets belligerent and then, when I ask what's going on, he claims he didn't understand. Part of me really thinks he doesn't realize how angry he seems, and part of me thinks he's just lost it. At times it seems his anger is misdirected, as if he's really angry at someone else (an ex-girlfriend, maybe) and taking it out on me. I would like to keep him on my team, because apart from this one issue he's a very productive employee who has made valuable contributions. But how can I deal with his constant hostility? —Tired of Tirades

Dear Tired: I gathered from your e-mail (which I've condensed somewhat here, to save space) that you've already tried discussing the problem with this person, but that he's reacted by getting even more hostile and obnoxious. But it's possible that, though you mean well, you aren't getting at the real issues. "In my experience, good people get angry at work primarily because they feel out of control about something," says Bernadette Kenny, an executive vice president at career-development firm Lee Hecht Harrison (http://www.lhh.com). She suggests it might help to try to see things from the angry person's point of view. "What is the company going through, and is there ambiguity at work?" she asks. "Has this individual been in his current job for a long time, and could he be bored or frustrated with it? Is there challenge or excitement in the work he's doing, or is it just the 'same old, same old?' " Try finding a calm moment, when Mr. Hothead is in a mellow mood, and see if you can start a discussion about "what you and he can do to get the situation under control," Kenny says.

For this conversation to get you anywhere though, you may want to phrase your opening remarks with care, says Judith Glaser, an executive coach (see http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com) who has worked with managers at Siemens, Novartis, Citibank, and many other big companies. She also wrote a new book called Creating We (Platinum Press, $24.95) about how to build an organization where everyone is pulling in the same direction. "I see this situation all the time in my coaching practice, where a manager needs a subordinate to change his behavior and the manager will tell me, 'I did try to talk to him about it, but nothing changed,' " says Glaser. "But when we go back over the discussion and reconstruct it in detail, it turns out that what the manager said actually made the problem worse. Laying down the law and saying something like, 'This is inappropriate, you have to change the way you react to things around here,' makes the other person feel that you're not hearing him—so he gets even more angry."

The first step to breaking this cycle, Glaser says, is to "create a rapport so the employee feels he can say what is really on his mind. You're not a therapist and you shouldn't have to be, but often you can interrupt the pattern by surprising the person with a simple question: 'What can I do to help you?' Managers often are afraid to ask that, but if you phrase it as 'I'm trying to be a better manager' and listen with an open mind to what the employee says in response, you may find you can have a discussion that really does make a difference."

A final thought: If, as you suspect, what's bugging him is something unrelated to his job, he might benefit from talking it out in a neutral, no-pressure setting. If you work for a large company with an employee assistance program (EAP), you might be able to gently remind your short-tempered subordinate that professional—and confidential—help is available. Once he feels better able to cope with his troubles, he's likely to be a whole lot easier to be around.

Readers, what say you? Ever managed to make peace with a chronically angry colleague? Tell me how you did it and I'll pass along your insights in a future column. Send questions to askannie@fortunemail.com.

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